Design Healing

Taking it day by day by day...

(photo © 2009 Stephanie Ryan)

In the Darkness

Thanks for all of your well wishes. I am doing very well because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. After 10 long years of searching for help the universe has started to reveal the answers to me and I am very excited about the possibilities. It won't be easy... it will be one of my biggest challenges but it will work and life will start a new.

Even in the darkness beauty shines through.

(image © Stephanie Ryan)

So many decisions to make.

I have been absent from my blog for a very long time. Please forgive me, this past year has been very challenging for me. I started a new job this time last year and have had a hard time adjusting to it and have also been dealing with health challenges that at times are all consuming. Things are beginning to move, energy is shifting, new opportunities have been laid before me and change is coming. I have important decisions to make in my life, for my health, career, and life purpose. I know this next year is going to be a powerful year and I look forward to sharing my experiences with you here. So please forgive my absence. I know in my heart that everything will be coming together soon.

Just a Doodle

for my love.

A Life Update

Hello my friends. I am feeling very reflective these days and thought that I would give you an update on how my life has been going. I am doing this for two reasons, the first is that it helps me to figure things out, why I do the things I do, and second for anyone out there that might be experiencing the same things. Maybe in some way I can help them get through whatever challenges they may be facing. Believe me, it is not easy to share your personal thoughts and life, but here I go. My life is going amazingly well...new job, buying a new house, great husband...but for me, happiness is hard to come by. Life of course is full of many ups and downs, back in September I was starting a new up. I was very present in my life, taking necessary steps to be healthy ( I suffer from multiple allergies, chronic fatigue, and a bunch of other weird symptoms). I was on a restricted diet and walking and starting to feel good, I was even losing weight and starting to look and fell more like myself. I had a sense that things were getting ready to change, like something was on the horizon but I couldn't figure out what it was. Then the new job came into light. I started in November and thought, wow this is great, I am finally getting my life in order, finally getting the things that I want. Then bam! The anxiety sets in, the self doubt, self worth and all the crap that goes along with it. I start doubting myself and my abilities at the new job. I became hyper aware of every little thing I did, which only makes you mess things up. If you could have heard the things going on in my head. Then, instead of placing the anxiety on me I started blaming my unrest on the job, thinking the old job was better, questioning why I left. I was even thinking about maybe going back. While all of this was going on I was personally retreating, pulling back. In September I felt like a flower in the springtime, now I was shriveling. I started bringing back in the food, all of my worse vices...carbs and soda. The more I ate, the worst I felt physically but the better I felt because it was helping me not to care. It was helping me get into my always so safe, self induced coma. A place that I have put myself into countless times in my life not to feel the pain, not to take the chance, not to experience life. It has been 5 months of this turmoil.

I am starting to come out of it. Starting to wake up.

I am fighting my way out and finally seeing what put me there. I have never analyzed the events that get me into that state. But this time it was so obvious. I watched it happen, couldn't stop it, but watched it happen. I think that it is a very important step for me. The question I am left with is why do I self-sabotage? Things were great and I felt some need on a subconscious level to mess them up. "Wait! I am feeling healthy, a great new job, great life... I don't deserve these things, let me mess them up!" Why??? Why do we self-sabotage? It all revolves around self-worth and self-love.

Anyway, I am doing my best to be very present and in the moment. I think it is my best defense from slipping back into that state of trying to hide and comfort myself. I am also trying to get back on track with my health. I am so incredibly grateful for my life and all of the people and things in it. I need to try to enjoy it more, I deserve it. I DESERVE IT! I guess that is a good first step in seeing that I am worth all of these good things. So there you have it, a little too much information. My new quest is to figure out why I feel the way I do about myself and why I don't take care of myself like I should. I am tired of being on this roller coaster and want to get off and start enjoying my life. I have a fresh start coming up with the purchase of our first home. Settlement is the end of May. I am in the process of clearing right now. Clearing the junk, clearing spaces, emotions, food, all of it. Not an easy task. Wish me luck.

Thanks for listening and I hope this was helpful for some of you experiencing similar issues.

hugs!

Stephanie

(Painting © 2007 Stephanie Ryan)

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might...

I just got back home from a nice walk at dusk. It is my favorite time of day to go outside and reflect on things that are going on in my life. There is something so enchanting about seeing the first stars reveal themselves in the setting sky.

(©Stephanie Ryan)

Feelings are Magnetic

I found this post over at LotusHaus and loved it. It is an excerpt from Danielle La Porte, co-founder of Style Statements. I think it is so important to stay positive through these challenging times. So I am going to try to create the experience I want.

 

( words by Danielle La Porte, design ©Stephanie Ryan)

Distressing

Mary Engelbreit's Home Companion Magazine is no longer being published. The reason is lack of advertising not circulation or subscriber numbers. I posted about Domino closing but so are Cottage Living, O at Home, Home, and Country Home, among others. To read more and to see a note from Mary Engelbreit click here 

(image from Mary Engelbreit.com)
 

 

Good Bye Domino????

I am totally bummed to hear that Domino is closing! It is one of my favorite magazines. Read more here.

It Was A White Christmas

I thought I should post these pictures before it's too late. Better late than never. We had a great Holiday this year. Hope you did too.

 

Human Rights: Student Voices

My new friend at work sent me this information. Thank you Janet!

Human Rights: Student Voices
Young people aren't the only ones trying to change the world, but they
approach the task with a riveting brand of passion. Students at the Art
Center College of Design created 25 striking posters for a show called Human
Rights: Student Voices. There's an image of a newspaper page with the simple
headline, "This is my blanket," and a poster featuring a collectible doll
called Sweatshop Sally. They're on display at the Pasadena Central Library
through Jan. 4.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth
in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as
race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion,
national or social origin, property, birth or other status.
Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of
the political, jurisdictional or international status of the
country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be
independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other
limitation of sovereignty.

Article 2, Universal Declaration of Human Rights

"There can be no justice where there is discrimination. As artists, we
have the tools to make a difference through images. This poster shows
two human hands—male or female, young or old, black or white. It is
about the right to bare arms with a different read and meaning.”

Ani Gevorgian
“Right to Bare Arms”

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Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate
for the health and well-being of himself and of his family,
including food, clothing, housing and medical care and
necessary social services, and the right to security in the
event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood,
old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond
his control. (2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to
special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or
out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection.

Article 25, Universal Declaration of Human Rights

“ The right to clean water is one of the most basic human rights, and the
lack of it is one of the most serious problems in the world today.”

 

Bennett McCall, Brian Scott, Heather East
“Clean Water”

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All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and
rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and
should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 1, Universal Declaration of Human Rights

“ I wanted to talk about the realization that once you get past nationality,
race, gender and the external human things, we are all the same inside.”

Christopher Kosek
“Everybody”

For further information on the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, please visit www.knowyourrights2008.org

(All images from Human Rights: Student Voices)

Getting back in the Swing

I forgot how much I love visiting my favorite blogs. I have a lot of catching up to do. I have made some quick visits these last couple of months but nothing long enough to have true meaning. I am looking forward to getting all caught up with my blog friends. Not so sure what to post about these days. I am sure it will come to me. Have a great weekend.

The painting is by my great friend Carol Maguire.

(Image ©Carol Maguire)

My destiny is riding again Rolling in the rain...unwinding in the wind.

My destiny is fighting again
Secretly unwinding...   -Stevie Nicks

Well, there is so much to say... too much. I am going to try to condense it all for you.

1. I left my job at Lenox.
2. I got a great new job at Kathy Davis Studios.
3. My health is bouncing back in amazing ways.
4. 20lbs down and excited to lose more.
5. I am no longer co-owner of Blue Pumpkin Press.
6. Free time = shift in priorities and life.

So, if you are interested in the details keep reading.

I guess I will start where I left off, with my health. I found a great doctor and Acupuncturist who worked some miracles on me. I still have a long way to go, but the difference in my energy and well being is amazing. I did have something to do with my success. I have been very good on my restricted diet and it has made such a difference in the way I feel. Now that I am starting to feel better and lost some weight, I have more confidence in myself and what I am able of achieving. A huge part of this success was letting go of a lot of things. I stopped working after work, I put BPP on hold and all other artistic endeavors that I was killing myself with. I was trying so hard to figure out how to be successful with my own work that I was making myself miserable. On top of that, my hour and twenty minute commute to Lenox was too much to bare. 11 hour days followed by too many hours on the computer at night, never getting enough sleep. Crazy! The Lenox job wasn't as fulfilling as I wanted it to be. Something just wasn't right. I wanted and needed more, but didn't know if it was BPP, my own design studio, or maybe even nothing art related. I just knew that things weren't right. I prayed and worked on manifesting, I asked for change even though I wasn't sure what was best for me.

Well, the Universe/God/Spirit whatever you like to call it, always knows best. It came in the form of a job notice. I wasn't looking for a new job, quite honestly I didn't think there was anything out there for me close enough to where I live. It was totally on a whim that I did a google search for jobs in my area. There it was. I never heard of Kathy Davis before, and was thrilled to learn how incredibly great she is. The match couldn't be more perfect. Here philosophy is Joy through Art, Joy through Living, and Joy through Giving. How perfect is that? A really good fit for me. I will post more about Kathy Davis later.

Well, there you have it. Basically, I am trying to enjoy my life more these days. My priorities were a bit out of whack. I am trying to spend more time with my husband, family, and friends. Most importantly I am trying to find joy in the moment.

One last note, BPP unfortunately was a conflict with the new job. I made the decision to let it go. I still question my decision and feel horrible about leaving my partner that way. I also worry that since I can't pursue my own artwork that I may regret my decision to take the new job. That definitely weighs heavy on my mind...

Well, that's enough for one post... sweet dreams.

(design ©Blue Pumpkin Press)

It has been so long...

So much has happened, so much to tell you.... But for some reason have been having a hard time finding the words, the purpose of this blog now that so much has changed. All good things so not to worry. New directions, new outlooks, perspectives and meaning in my life. But where to begin? How do I start up writing again? This I ponder. Maybe with this quick post it will stir my passion once more. Maybe.

xoxo

I'm still here and a little Art and Ghost.

First, I am loving the new banner over at Art and Ghost. I am a huge fan of her work and am so amazed by her art. How the heck does she do that???? Visit her blog and Etsy site to see her spellbinding images.

Second, Just wanted to give a little update on how I am doing. I am still in nurturing mode, sleeping a lot and working on my health. I am 5 weeks into the elimination diet and 4 weeks into the detox! I have a doctor's appointment this Friday to go over blood work and discuss the next steps. I can't wait to be through this phase. I think the detox is really making me tired and am quite honestly ready to be finished with the gritty powder drink. I will keep you posted, and I am hoping that I will soon be inspired to start painting and blogging again soon. Please don't forget about me, I promise to be blogging regularly soon

xoxo
Stephanie

(image from Art and Ghost)

Enjoying My Sweet Days of Fall

 

I am off to Vermont for a weekend wedding of my dear friend Carol's daughter Amanda. I am looking forward to breathing in the fall-time air and looking at the beautiful changing colors. It has been a while since my hubby and I have taken some time off together, so I am very much looking forward to spending some time with him as well. The only down side to this weekend is the fact that I am still on my elimination diet and detox. Saturday will be 4 weeks!!!! Besides wanting to curl up under the covers and sleep most days, I am feeling great. Still in the nurturing mode, I have taken a break from my work outside of work. I feel bad about not posting as much and not painting, but I think this needs to be more important right now. I have two weeks left until we start reintroducing food. It should be interesting to see which things I have reactions to. Anyway, I'm off! Have a great weekend, I will be back on Tuesday. I am leaving you with this great print by Kirsten from Tollipop . She has a great Etsy store and Blog. That is kind of what my hair looks like now, since I got it all cut off. Enjoy!

Just for fun...singing horses.

Have you ever visited the singing horses website? I absolutely love it! Whenever I am feeling sad I go to it and have a good laugh. Place your mouse over each horse and click, they sing their own melody. I can't decide which one is my favorite. I think it is the one on the right...which is yours?

(image from Avsluta)

Hello There Friends!

Hi there! I am happy to say that I have made it through a whole week on my very restricted diet, and am still alive. I am actually feeling pretty good... who would have thought? Tomorrow I start the liver detox portion of this wild and crazy ride I'm on. I'm a little scared, don't know why. I do have fear issues though. Anyway, I have been taking it easy this week with work outside of work. Just trying to nurture myself a bit. I did want to pop in and say hi, and wish you all a great holiday weekend!
I don't know if you noticed but I started playing around with my sidebars a bit, I'm trying to develop the blog a little bit with some new ideas.  Hope you will like them.

I am leaving you with this fun book I  just bought. I have been inspired by Marisa over at Creative Thursday to play with embroidery. It is something relaxing I can do at night while I lay in bed. Doodle Stitching by Aimee Ray. This great book showcases 20 different stitches, tools, and fun projects to play around with. Give it  a try and have fun!

 

( picture from amazon.com)

Too Many Things Going On.

Sorry I haven't been posting that much, things have been crazy lately. I went to the NY Gift Show last week. It was an ok show. It was pretty empty, the emptiest I have ever seen it. That is not a good sign. I couldn't pinpoint any hot trends, the market seems to be in between right now. There were more hand painted things vs. the silhouetted images we have been seeing. I guess that is refreshing. I don't really have anything to show you because I am a big chicken when it comes to asking for catalogs and taking pictures...sorry for being so lame.

On a more personal note, I had a cool series of events happen to me. I have talked before about my health issues, and am happy to report that I found a doctor with some promise. My husband and I were out one night and decided to stop by the book store. As we were walking in, I had a sense that I was going to find an important book. I usually run right to the new age section, but his time I wandered and ended up in the diet section. I hate diet books! But one caught my eye... almost like it had a sparkle to it. I grabbed the book and opened it up somewhere in the middle of the book and started to read a story about a woman with my exact issues. The chapter was on inflammation in the body and it's potential link to allergies, and the symptoms that are caused by it... all of which I have. So, I bought the book and read it through, the author has a website that lists doctors in my area, and I made the call. She is great, she believes me, and we are working together to try to heal my poor beat up body. Very cool! Another weird thing about this is my psychic told me the week before that I was on the cusp of meeting a woman that was going to rock my world, and the doctor fits her description. She also told me that I should be eating berries, a lot of berries, and the book stresses the importance of berries as antioxidants. I took that as confirmation that I am on the right path. I am now on an elimination diet and liver detox regimen for the next 5 weeks! Wish me luck.

The image above is a piece of a Kim Parker Painting. She is a huge inspiration to me, especially with the new paintings I am working on. I also love the work from my previous post, the colors....ahhhh. I love them. I haven't had a lot of time to work on my new art this past week. I'm bummed out about it. I have too many other obligations. It is so frustrating not being able to do the things that your heart desires. 

(Image from Kim Parker Home)

The Name Game

I am having second thoughts about the name of my new blog. Print.Pattern.Repeat. by Stephanie Ryan
Do you like it? When I compare it to other great blog names out there, it falls flat. Are those great names easy to think up or are they labored over like mine? Here are some of my favorites:
Please Sir
Freshly Blended
Inside a Black Apple
Skinny laMinx
How about Orange
Design for Mankind
Decor8

I could go on and on, but I will spare you.

What makes a name special? What about just using your own name? I liked the name a lot when I first thought of it, but now, not so sure. Maybe it is the banner I don't like. Sorry to take up a whole post about this. Just venting. I guess it will all come together in the end. Thoughts????

(pattern ©BluePumpkinPress, Banner ©Stephanie Ryan)