Design Healing

So Loving: Blue Moss

I am loving the blog and Etsy shop of Blue Moss. Michelle Taylor's style is so appealing to me, from her handmade jewelry made from vintage finds to her amazing blog of the same aesthetic. I find it a refreshing retreat to escape to. Check it out, I hope you love it too.

(images from Blue Moss)

So Loving: The Art of Stuart Shils

I love the work of Stuart Shils. His simplistic approach and amazing use of color is a soothing escape. Less is most definitely more.

(images from stuartshils.com)

A Life Update

Hello my friends. I am feeling very reflective these days and thought that I would give you an update on how my life has been going. I am doing this for two reasons, the first is that it helps me to figure things out, why I do the things I do, and second for anyone out there that might be experiencing the same things. Maybe in some way I can help them get through whatever challenges they may be facing. Believe me, it is not easy to share your personal thoughts and life, but here I go. My life is going amazingly well...new job, buying a new house, great husband...but for me, happiness is hard to come by. Life of course is full of many ups and downs, back in September I was starting a new up. I was very present in my life, taking necessary steps to be healthy ( I suffer from multiple allergies, chronic fatigue, and a bunch of other weird symptoms). I was on a restricted diet and walking and starting to feel good, I was even losing weight and starting to look and fell more like myself. I had a sense that things were getting ready to change, like something was on the horizon but I couldn't figure out what it was. Then the new job came into light. I started in November and thought, wow this is great, I am finally getting my life in order, finally getting the things that I want. Then bam! The anxiety sets in, the self doubt, self worth and all the crap that goes along with it. I start doubting myself and my abilities at the new job. I became hyper aware of every little thing I did, which only makes you mess things up. If you could have heard the things going on in my head. Then, instead of placing the anxiety on me I started blaming my unrest on the job, thinking the old job was better, questioning why I left. I was even thinking about maybe going back. While all of this was going on I was personally retreating, pulling back. In September I felt like a flower in the springtime, now I was shriveling. I started bringing back in the food, all of my worse vices...carbs and soda. The more I ate, the worst I felt physically but the better I felt because it was helping me not to care. It was helping me get into my always so safe, self induced coma. A place that I have put myself into countless times in my life not to feel the pain, not to take the chance, not to experience life. It has been 5 months of this turmoil.

I am starting to come out of it. Starting to wake up.

I am fighting my way out and finally seeing what put me there. I have never analyzed the events that get me into that state. But this time it was so obvious. I watched it happen, couldn't stop it, but watched it happen. I think that it is a very important step for me. The question I am left with is why do I self-sabotage? Things were great and I felt some need on a subconscious level to mess them up. "Wait! I am feeling healthy, a great new job, great life... I don't deserve these things, let me mess them up!" Why??? Why do we self-sabotage? It all revolves around self-worth and self-love.

Anyway, I am doing my best to be very present and in the moment. I think it is my best defense from slipping back into that state of trying to hide and comfort myself. I am also trying to get back on track with my health. I am so incredibly grateful for my life and all of the people and things in it. I need to try to enjoy it more, I deserve it. I DESERVE IT! I guess that is a good first step in seeing that I am worth all of these good things. So there you have it, a little too much information. My new quest is to figure out why I feel the way I do about myself and why I don't take care of myself like I should. I am tired of being on this roller coaster and want to get off and start enjoying my life. I have a fresh start coming up with the purchase of our first home. Settlement is the end of May. I am in the process of clearing right now. Clearing the junk, clearing spaces, emotions, food, all of it. Not an easy task. Wish me luck.

Thanks for listening and I hope this was helpful for some of you experiencing similar issues.

hugs!

Stephanie

(Painting © 2007 Stephanie Ryan)

So Loving: The Art of Claire Coles

I am speechless. Love, Love, Love the unique art of Claire Coles. I can't decide which is my favorite, the porcelain teacups, wallpaper brooches, or custom made invitations. Can you decide?

(art from Claire Coles Website)

So Loving: A Fanciful Twist

I found this great blog today. A Fanciful Twist is the work of uber talented Vanessa Valencia. I have a soft spot for dolls after being a dollmaker for 11 years and fell in love with her creations. I love her painted and digital work too! Check it all out here.

(all art from A Fanciful Twist, ©A Fanciful Twist)